How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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