I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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