Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
