Can i not drive my cunt home
Acid is not a monday night drug
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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