dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
