they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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