the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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