I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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