That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the day after is always just damage control
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
