Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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