my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
