Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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