When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
