And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
