Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
