We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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