He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
