Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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