I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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