I wish they made helmets for livers.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
