i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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