Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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