why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
