I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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