i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
