and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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