He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
