So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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