We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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