Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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