i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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