idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
