THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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