maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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