so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
