I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
