Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
