I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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