its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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