I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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