and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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