i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cockslap morals
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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