Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
