he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
