I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
