STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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