I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
