It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
