I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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