Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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