you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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