dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
