oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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