You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
