you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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