there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
