I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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