i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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