Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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