I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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