I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
