Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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