It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
how does that bad decision feel?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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