I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
