The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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