her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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