conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
