I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
