you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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