I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
