My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
