so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
