the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
