dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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