You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
