my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
