I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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